Massages from Hell

[Thormaturge]

Thailand is famous for its massages, but they are not always as pleasant as was hoped for. Just a few of my experiences over the years..

A) I was just nodding off to a gentle foot massage when the lady's telephone rang. it seems she also sold tee-shirts in her spare time. She continued massaging my foot with one hand whilst holding her telephone in the other. A heated discussion developed over the price of said tee-shirts, the available colours and quantities and all the time the massage became rougher. About three or four minutes into the telephone conversation I yanked my foot away from her and started putting my shoes back on. Telephone conversation ends and she begins arguing with me about the massage. This goes on for a minute or so when the phone rings again...it's the tee-shirt people. Thb 20 on the table and I was out of there.

B) Again, resting on the massage table I was having trouble getting off to sleep as one of the massage ladies was holding a telephone conversation with a foreigner. I love you so much. When do you come for massage again? etfc. etc. Suddenly one of the off-duty ladies arrives with her Thai son. The young lad wants to be pilot and is "flying " in between the couches making aeroplane noises. THEN on comes the television .... I gave up and left.

C) Then there was the one where I fell asleep only to be awoken by the gruff voice of a katoey. My original masseuse was sitting outside the shop beckoning new customers into the establishment.

[Panama Hat]

Two spring to mind . . .

1) Short and sweet: sand massage. The woman's hands were full of sand. Admittedly it as on the beach, but still . . .

2) The massage that wasn't. While walking about with my family this woman emerged from a massage place and asked us if we wanted a massage. We declined in disgust.
She had one wrigling finger firmly stuck up her nostril up to the knuckle the whole time

[Chitown]

I have always had good experiences with massages. I hate an oil massage. I only had one and never again. It just left me feeling coated with slime.

[parton]

I am pretty hair. like a sasquatch actually, so every massage is a massage from hell. Every push yanks on my body hairs, which ruins any chance of relaxing from the massage.

[Chitown]

I am pretty hair. like a sasquatch actually, so every massage is a massage from hell. Every push yanks on my body hairs, which ruins any chance of relaxing from the massage.

Ewwwww!

[Charles]

Let's face it, It's a bit of an indulgence here regarding choice, availability and prices. Either I have been lucky, or perhaps I am more discerning about the type of establishment.
Generally, the older the lady, the more enjoyable the experience IME. I find the older ones are more languid in the application of their skills.

I keep meaning to ask for the 4 hands massage and then I forget and just go for the usual girl instead.

Only one occasion where I curtailed the appointment. She was young and trained by the CIA instead of Thai massage school. Kept applying single digit pressure where the muscle passes close to the bone.

[old goat]

I always wake up the day after a Thai massage feeling stiff and hurting more than before I went.

[Jackthelad]

Only ever had good experiences with Massage, whenever i get off plane i have the same lady who visits my room for one hour thai and the other hour oil helps a lot getting over the flight.

[Mad Hatter]

Swedish and Thai are ok,tongue massage is the cunning linguists choice.